Congressman Brad Sherman Enlightens Crypto Experts: “Only Criminals Can Speak from Experience”

In a groundbreaking moment of unparalleled insight, Congressman Brad Sherman has once again graced the world with his profound understanding of cryptocurrency. Addressing a panel of crypto industry experts, Sherman delivered a veritable masterclass in condescension, reminding them that their lack of criminal records renders them utterly incompetent in offering any insights on how criminals use crypto.

“Let’s face it, folks,” Sherman began, his tone dripping with the wisdom of someone who’s clearly spent too many years in the hallowed halls of Congress. “If you haven’t dabbled in a bit of criminal activity, can you really claim to understand cryptocurrency?”

Indeed, Sherman’s logic is as impeccable as his understanding of the technology behind Bitcoin. After all, who better to educate Congress on the nefarious ways of criminals than, well, actual criminals? It’s a stroke of genius, really. Forget about consulting cybersecurity experts, forensic analysts, or law enforcement agencies. Who needs them when you have the honorable Congressman Sherman, the paragon of virtuous behavior, to guide the way?

“I’ve never hacked a computer or laundered money,” Sherman proudly declared, his chest undoubtedly puffing out with self-righteousness. “But I can assure you, I know exactly how these things work. And let me tell you, they’re bad. Very bad.”

It’s reassuring to know that our lawmakers are so well-versed in the intricacies of criminal behavior. Who needs empirical evidence or expert testimony when you have the unassailable logic of a seasoned politician?

Of course, Sherman’s remarks were met with resounding applause from his fellow lawmakers, who nodded sagely as if they, too, were experts in the field of cybercrime. After all, why bother consulting those who have dedicated their careers to understanding the nuances of cryptocurrency when you can simply rely on the anecdotes of someone who once watched a crime thriller on Netflix?

In conclusion, we can all sleep soundly tonight, safe in the knowledge that Congressman Brad Sherman is diligently working to protect us from the perils of cryptocurrency. Because when it comes to understanding the complexities of this brave new world, who needs experts when you have politicians?